Monday, February 22, 2010
One morning when I got up I felt very light. When I looked at my self in the mirror, I looked as young as I always wanted to be, I looked as child as I always wanted to be. I was amused! I went out and saw huge crowd gathered at my place. All were dressed in light colored clothes; most of them looked very upset. I moved further and saw my only son is in tears and I wondered why as I know him as one of the strong kids. My heart was heavy by now, and when I moved to the last step of main room, I almost fainted, though no one noticed that I did. I saw my wife was in unbearable pain; her eyes were full of void and not tears, her forehead was not having any kumkum. My eyes could see it, but my heart could not believe the fact that I was dead.
They cried in front of me, took me away from the home that I have made after years of hard work, burnt me and I was only a spectator, a mute spectator. I couldn’t bear my agony any more and to the same was adding the pain of my loved ones. I thought to myself that someone is answerable to me now, and it has to answer me that why those are punished who did nothing wrong and loved me unconditionally. And I moved up having all the doubts and anger in myself. Now I was no more feeling light. When I looked myself in mirror I looked as old as I never wanted to be.
Up there I showed all kind of possible tantrums that I could. I denied co-operating up there for till I’ll not get answer of my questions. Finally it also gave up, as I was known here too for my persuading skills. I got a one to one appointment. I went there with my nose high up in the sky as I had done enough homework to prove that it was unjustified to kill me like this, if not for me then at least for my loved ones. We had big argument. It was trying to convince me that though I am one of its favorite children, and can do any thing for me, but I should not try to change what’s destiny. But I refused it, and then again refused it and refused it till the point it agreed to grant me my wish.
“So you really want to change destiny, absolutely sure?” it was almost last confirmation. “Yes!” I said affirmatively. Ok, “I’ll give you one more chance; go back in your world. Be in invisible mode for one day and tell me tomorrow if you want to be there permanently!” I was delighted by this call, and thought that my pain and pains of my loved ones is just one more daylong. That day, before returning to my world, I had the longest bath, used the best perfume, and was desperately waiting for coming back.
Alas, I thought, I shouldn’t have come back here, I said to myself just after few hours of my returning back. When I left, everyone was sad, was upset. But, now the whole scene is different. All are happy, are settled in their lives. My son is happy of all his new responsibilities and role. My wife is happy thinking of having some one new in her life. My friends, my dog, my family, all were happy and moving on well. And I thought how they would be living in my absence! Ah, “I am such a big fool,” I told to myself. This all made me feel very un-important.
I returned back with a heavy heart, all filled with sorrow and tears. I wished I could die once more and forget about the pain that I am currently going through. I went there to tell that would I really like to have reincarnation. I went there with my sloping shoulders, with my head down, with all tears in my eyes and just said one word, “No”. “But why?” it asked rather sarcastically. “No one needs me there that was my mistake.” “And you are making another one just now”, came a fast reply. I looked up; today for the first time, and the remark was not a comment but rather had some strange explanation in it! “Yes, my son. You made the first mistake by thinking that they will never be able to live without you and now you are making second mistake when after seeing them all happy you are judging that they never truly loved or needed you. You saw the right things both the times, but judged them incorrectly both the times. When you were alive and were there with them, they loved and needed you as much as they could. When you died, that was your destiny. They were sad; as they lost someone they loved. But then, death was your destiny and not theirs. They had to move on and that’s what they did. Now when they have restarted their lives without you, it doesn’t mean that there love at first was in any case fake. The only point is that things do change with time. No one is indispensable. And that’s the biggest mistake all human beings can ever commit, thinking that they are really indispensable. Do the best that you can do at any place at any time, but leave the rest and don’t be worried about future. Don’t judge past with current or predict future with current. Live in today and always know one thing there is nothing and no one actually indispensable in this world.”
I felt light again, “Can I please hug you once!” I said and got a gift of death time at that moment. There was no more pain, sorrow or tears now. I was happy, ever after that.